Part 15: The Thunder Axe or, Fuck of War

Chapter 12x: The Thunder Axe or, Fuck of War


Roy heads for a cave near Jutes to obtain a legendary weapon. But Roy and company aren't the only ones who know of the cave. Yet another battle awaits them...

so is this a good time to say "I fucking told you" or what



Oh and apparently this showed up now?



????


......
You're doing really well!
...That's all.

????? ?????????

For completion's sake, she says the same thing about combat, survival, power, and funds, and "Keep up the good work." about the other two.

are you implying my tactics are less than stellar



Also is that all she's going to do? Stop telling me about dancers if you're not going to give me dancers, game! I don't care if I already have a bard, arrange it.



Well either way I wanted to get my peg knight on again, except for reasons that will become obvious soon enough I went with this instead.


Treasuuure... Where are yooouu...? Answer meee...

Holy shit you're ugly.



Even compared to this guy.

The men from Bern just told us to block the entrance. If they catch us now, they'll surely have us back in chains.

The ugliest thing here is the fact that it's a fog of war map and if I'm busy suffering I can't make hilarious portrait edits.



Deal with it.

They'll never know that we took the treasuuure... If we block the entrance without taking the treasure, it's all the same anywaaay... Do you really want that poor treasure trapped in here for all eternityyy?

Well, when you put it that way... I guess you're right.

Can't argue with such impeccable logic.


There's an army stationed outside the cave!

Whaaat? They want to take our treasure, do theeey? Have the boys near the entrance take them ooouut... And grab all the treasure cheeests... We rightfully stole them fiiirst!

And now,

I am stealing them from you.



So technically not "fog" of war, just darkness but it's the same fucking thing


the legendary weapon in this cave is most likely the Thunder Axe, Armads.

Armads... An axe this time.

Roy can't use that, so now he's losing interest.

Armads was wielded by Durban the Berserker, who was said to be a colossus of a man. A single blow from his axe surely made short work of any opponent.

Elphin, you seem to know a lot about the Eight Legends and their weapons.

"Not so much about the bit where Hector and my dad used them to save the world, though."

I'm a bard. It is my job to know myths and legends.

I'd like to hear some of them when we have the time.

Of course.
...Lord Roy, it seems we are not alone in this cave.

We aren't?

There are also noxious fumes coming from the cave walls. We must tread lightly.



You fuckers.



At least Chad outclasses the enemy thieves.



yes thank you lance



yes thank you allen



Wolt technically knows what "failure" means, but he has very little personal experience with it.



Astore, meanwhile, heads to the right. He's nowhere near as good as Chad, but he is better than Cath right now, and good enough to deal with this.



Son of a bitch.



And then poison spews from random holes in the walls.



Couldn't you at least have hit the little shithead



Give me that!



Ehhh...



Well, I suppose it had to happen eventually.



Ever have one of those days where nothing goes right?



He's perfectly safe.



Allen cares not for your effective weaponry!



Son of a bi-wait that was just an antitoxin, I don't care.



Roy can one-round this guy.

With his iron sword.



Wolt actually can't one-round this guy... without wasting a use of his killer bow, at least.



The shaman below him, however, wasn't quite that lucky.



Let's see if you can do better than Lance.



Good man!



And this is now mine.



Chad doubles myrmadyrmaderps.



Chad gets levels, too.



Lance will inspire the rest by charging blindly on, I'm pretty sure he can deal with most things I've seen in here so far.



...



Lance does better this time.



Son of a bitch!



Where's that little fucker hiding?



Wow.



wait what

...

Well, as long as it's just Eclipse...



Astore dumps a vulnerary so he can nab this. I'm pretty sure they're worth more money anyway. I have like a dozen of the things by now...



I ran Lance up a bit and oh.



That could be problematic.



...but the druid decides to try and Eclipse Astore on his turn instead.



Guess what you can't do with Eclipse equipped



"Lock up those lockpicks!"



That sword just comes in at the perfect height.



Not too shabby!



...

Get the fuck out.



Not actually doing this, if he hits that 48% he'll leave Lance near death and heal back more damage than he took.



Druid goes for Astore. Astore is at least good for something.



Next round I have enough people in range to save Lance if he fucks up.

Which he does.



Wolt cares not.



That's one, but we can't see the throne from here. This guy has a devil axe, which could hurt, it he actually hit someone with it and didn't end up hurting himself instead.



Clarine carried Chad over to this chest, and gets poisoned for her trouble.

The chest contains a chest key. Are you shitting me with this shit, game?



Allen carries Astore to the chests on the right side.



A myrm with a killing edge! I may have made a mistake...

...except none of them move.



Berserker, ludicrous crit chance, yak yak.



That's better.



Allen softens them up...



...and Lance knocks them down.



Allan fucks it up...



...and Lance makes up for it by landing a 4% crit and killing the guy. Well done.



So the first safe way to deal with a 'zerker...


Rah!



...is to attack at range while he has a close-ranged weapon equipped, then rescue the attacker out of there so the berserker doesn't switch weapons.

It's dumb and lame and tedious.



The second safe way is to annihilate the fucker before he gets to attack.

Dah...

I don't even know.



It's sparse, but it's good.



Eh.



Now we're talking!



Not so much with this, but eh.



Seizure time.

Hmm... I hear wind blowing from behind the throne.

What? I can't hear it...


Oh! It opened!
...So this is the legendary weapon? This axe is enormous.

Armads... The very axe wielded by Durban the Berserker.

"He used it like 15 times, then switched to an iron axe so it wouldn't break."

It certainly appears fit for a warrior of his stature.


A revolution has broken out in Aquleia, capital of Eturia.



The ones leading the revolution are High Chancellor Roartz and Lord Arcardo. They have captured King Mordred. They also say they plan to divide dominion of the continent between Bern and Eturia!

Hands up anyone who's surprised by this?

...Anyone?

Anyone at all?

...

No, I thought as much.

The two strongest nations in Elibe joining forces...

Is General Cecilia all right?! And what of princess Guninvere...

We don't have any current information... But the three Eturian Generals have parted ways and are working separately. Mage General Cecilia has fled Aquleia for the Missur Peninsula in the southwest.

And the other generals?

They're with the revolutionaries against their will because the king was taken hostage.

Lord Roy...

We need to contact General Cecilia...
Princess Guinivere... Please be safe...



Damn it, Hector, if only you had kept this thing with you...

Damn it, Lilina, if only you didn't have little noodly girl arms and could take up this thing and avenge Hector...



Well, that title looks promising, but I'm sure it still can't be as bad as another fucking fog of war chapter.

We'll find out next time.